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Changing My Narrative

Today is back to school day in our community and for both of my daughters.  This one is particularly hard because of my professional circumstances.  I would love to be back to school today too, welcoming kids and fellow colleagues, but it isn't my fate this year.  Over the past years, I have made certain choices in the name of wellness, and all of those decisions bring me to where I am today.  Don't get me wrong - I have grown so much in so many aspects of my life due to the decisions I have made in my professional life.  I am grateful for every step of it, but I won't lie and say that I don't wish I was in a school today.

I constantly tell myself that if I have this blog about wellness, and I don't walk the walk, I am a fraud and full of $hit.  That is why I am vowing to add another piece to my wellness journey.  Since I don't find myself in a classroom this year, or in a school, I have to view this as a positive and a space in my life to work on myself.  For many years I have put my own health and physical wellbeing aside.  Yes, I have definitely worked on my mental wellbeing, and find myself in a really great place, but it is time to use the time I have to improve my health.

All of my adult life, and most of my teen years I have struggled with body image and weight.  In my teen years, I always felt like the "chubby" friend, but when I look back on pictures - that was not me at all! 
I keep telling my daughter who is in grade 8 to be appreciative for her health and athletic body because I didn't acknowledge or appreciate it when I had it, and now I struggle.  As an adult, I have always felt like there is a different version of me inside myself.  I have done several races, obstacle and running, over the years to prove to myself I can do it, but have never been completely happy with the person who is running them.
Many friends have commented on how I carry myself with such confidence, and I appear to them to be one of the most self-assured people they know, but let me tell you - I am so INSECURE INSIDE.  I am trying to change my inner narrative, believe me.  I know that as a mother of two girls, I need to work on this so they don't develop the same mindset I had/have, and so they can see themselves the way others do - as beautiful.  My husband has told me so often, "I wish you could see yourself the way I do." 

It is time - November 17th I am running my second half-marathon ever - and I plan to work on myself and change my body and my inner narrative about my body image and weight.  I am putting this onto my blog because I need to be accountable, not because I want kudos and accolades for being honest and forthright about my struggle.
It is time to be well, and it is time to work hard.  This is one thing I am changing for the beginning of the school year.  Have you thought about what you can change?  It doesn't have to be huge.  Start working on something today that you have always said, "one day" about doing.  I will track my progress and thoughts on this blog.  Good luck and #BeWellEDU.


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