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Be A Lighthouse

I was having a conversation with my mom over Christmas.  My mom is a worrier.  She has three children - adult children - and she still worries.  As a mother, I understand, as I will likely always worry and think about my daughters and their well being.  In this conversation though, I had to think as a daughter.

My mom is on the verge of retirement, along with her husband.  They are so close to moving on to that next phase.  They recently purchased a condo in Mexico and are anticipating spending the winter months under the sun in Mexico.  As her daughter, not as a mother, I wanted to share some thoughts with my mom.  For her own mental wellness, I had to tell her that she no longer needs to be as motherly - less worry.  I was not saying she needed to stop worrying all together - no way - a mother isn't capable of that.  What I did say was that for so long she has been the "buoy".  She supports and holds us up when times are tough.  Ten years ago when we lost our dad to cancer, she became our only parent and took a lot of the emotional brunt.  Every ounce of her has been poured into being a mother and grandmother.
Image result for buoy
As she moves into retirement, I wanted to tell her that she no longer needs to be that buoy.  She can't afford the mental strain it takes.  With three children and four grandchildren, she needs to trust that we are making choices and decisions as adults that we can handle.  If we encounter trouble or strife, she now needs to trust that we have been taught well over the years and can handle what life throws us.  Together with the partners we have chosen in life, we need to navigate and forge our path without her spending so much time worrying about us.

Image result for lighthouseI urged my mom to see herself now, not as a buoy, but as a lighthouse in our lives.  She now can be the guiding light without the stress of having to provide all the support she has in the past.  I believe that if she can be a lighthouse, she will find the capacity to enjoy her retirement, focus on her marriage as they spend more time in retirement together, and overall enjoy her later years.  I wanted to impress upon my mom that she will find her mental wellness is so much better if she can be a lighthouse.  It is a lot of stress to carry when you are constantly holding someone up emotionally.  As her kids, we will be okay.  If we aren't - we are adults and need to figure it out on our own.

In your life, think about those people who maybe rely a little too much on you and maybe even take advantage of you.  Are you their buoy??  BE A LIGHTHOUSE.  Be someone who can guide them and they know supports them, but refuses to take the emotional weight from them.  Once we allow ourselves to be a lighthouse, we feel lighter (pun intended) and have the capacity to focus on ourselves.

#BeWellEDU

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